How to Respond to Microaggressions

By Susan Letterman White

Microaggressions are commonplace daily verbal or behavioral slights that are often unintentional, yet communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative attitudes toward culturally marginalized groups. As leaders, it is important to act in ways that contribute to a culture of inclusion. That means considering what you will do when you are either the recipient of a microaggression or the observer of a microaggression directed at another person.

Whether to act or stay silent depends on many factors and the decision of whether to act, and if, what to say or do, is an example of a difficult leadership decision.  Factors to consider include what the actual recipient of a microaggression wants, the good of the entire group or organization in which the event happened, the timing and surrounding circumstances of the event, and if action is the conclusion should it be done publicly or privately.  

Additionally, you should consider whether acting will escalate a situation in an unhelpful or dangerous way.  Is there a risk of danger to physical safety? Will the utterer become excessively defensive in a manner that is better handled privately or not alone? If the relationship is important to you, how will what you say affect the relationship? 

Some scholars have criticized the microaggression concept thinking it promotes psychological fragility and possibly stalls the development of skills to stand up for oneself. Certainly, the developmental trajectory of the individual recipient is important, as is what the individual wants to happen. Regardless, there is no excuse for leaders who do not recognize the harm microaggressions can cause and consider what they will do when it happens.

It takes courageous leadership to manage one’s emotions and also the behaviors of others in conflict situations. When a person uses a microaggression, regardless of whether it is aimed at a particular person or just offered as a poor joke, that action sets up a conflict, because, at the very least, it should not be an acceptable behavior in an inclusive workplace. 

The conditions that contribute to or subtract from leadership courage are rarely discussed. There are four conditions that all leaders should cultivate.

First, they should have a mental health, self-care routine.  When we feel emotionally well, we are better able to think constructively, call on a reserve of energy, and have difficult conversations. 

Second, leaders should be able to reframe a difficult situation as a challenge and ask: How might I address this challenge? Related to this concept is the third condition. Leaders should conduct a cost-benefit analysis that highlights the benefit of being courageous, which often means not falling back on default ways of thinking, feeling, and acting and instead practicing new and different approaches. For example, if speaking up seems like the right decision, but also difficult, highlight the benefits of acting and the risks of doing nothing. For example, you might say, “Do I want to stay silent and feel bruised and belittled or do I want to speak up and feel my self-worth and power as a leader here?”

Finally, leaders should remind themselves of a commitment to developing a growth mindset and putting that to use.  If the behavior seems challenging and difficult, it ought to signal a growth opportunity for learning or honing a valuable skill. Lean in and grow as a leader. Growth is often better as a team sport. If you are able, form a leadership support group where you can share stories of trying, learning, and growing and introduce a cultural norm where leaders prize the attempts of their colleagues and direct reports who share such stories.

Courageous leaders may be ready to say or do something in response to a microaggression and still not know what to say or do.  If it happens to you, it’s your choice whether to act or not. If you observe an event, it may be your responsibility to act or act in a particular way to comply with organization rules.  

If you decide to act, use feedback approaches that have the highest likelihood of being beneficial.  A skillful feedback response is delivered as close as possible in time to the event, criticizes the behavior rather than the person, uses “I” statements, and is clear about the behavior that must change.  For example, you might say, “When you said X, I felt Y.  In the future, I would prefer if you did not say/do X.  I understand that you may not have intended me to feel this way. Perhaps you were making a joke or you think I’m overreacting. However, our working relationship is important enough for me to speak up. I hope you understand. 

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INCREASE YOUR CLIENTS AND REVENUE: MAKE IT RAIN!

Not everyone who needs a lawyer, accountant, consultant, or coach wants one. Not every prospective client, who wants professional services, can afford to pay your fees. The three steps to increasing your firm clients and revenue are: (1) define your target prospect; (2) tailor your marketing messages to what your target prospects want; and (3) master the sales-cycle conversation.

1.     Define your target prospects

Too many lawyers and other professional service providers fish in the wrong pond or use the wrong bait.  They do not know whether there are sufficient prospects who want the solutions they offer at the price they need to generate sufficient revenue for their business model. This may be a consequence of a practice area already supersaturated with other lawyers or productized services that are too similar or aiming at the wrong geographic or demographic target market. Alternatively, your price point may be too high, but could be reduced with the introduction of process efficiencies.

The first step is to research your target prospects to better understand what they want, what they are willing to pay, and where they are likely to notice you and what you are offering. Understand them demographically and psychologically.

2.     Tailor your marketing messages to what you target prospects want.

 Not all prospective clients, people who want the solutions you are selling, will develop an interest in your brand of solution.  Your value proposition is your solution combined with the experience of working with you. It is the client’s point of view on what they want and what they think will make them feel better, less anxious, happier.  It is how close you get to giving them what they want, not just what they need.

 There are three categories of value that lawyer’s offer clients. You can create new value, protect existing value, or restore value lost. If you what you offer leads to ways for your clients to do what they want to do, then you create value.  If it leads to ways to help your clients preserve what matters to them most, then you maintain value.  If it leads to ways to make your client whole after being physically, emotionally, or financially harmed, then you restore value.

 A good value proposition quickly tells clients why working with you will make their lives easier and better. That spikes curiosity and interest in your brand of solutions, rather than that of your competition.

 3.     Master the sales-cycle conversation

 When a prospective client is curious about you and your firm because they want what you are offering, the next step is to have a conversation. Instead of thinking of this conversation as an opportunity to tell the prospect what you will do and how you will help, think of it as an opportunity to develop a relationship and demonstrate that you understand what they want.

 The key to converting a prospect into a client is communicating in way that first engages the prospect. Different people are more receptive to different communication behaviors – the “how” of communication.   Once engaged, influencing a person to become a client is a matter of saying the right things at the right times. Our Rainmakers Incubator Workshop is where you’ll have an opportunity to learn and practice these techniques.

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5 Tips to Notice More Business Opportunities

Are you a good noticer? You won’t notice business opportunities if you aren’t good at noticing. If you spend more time noticing what’s happening in the external world or if you spend more time with the thoughts rattling around in your brain, you are probably missing a lot. We need to develop the discipline to do both. Maybe you study your surroundings like you were taught in college to study a painting. That puts you ahead of many people, and yet, you likely miss a lot that could help you notice more business opportunities.

Noticing clearly and communicating effectively seem like obvious, straightforward skills, yet our psychology seems to suggest that we’re prone to make a lot of mistakes. Why is that? Let’s start with an experiment.

Choose a colleague, client, friend, spouse, person-in-case-of, or neighbor. Close your eyes and try to recall the last time you saw that person. What were they were wearing? What was their emotional tenor? Can you recall their tone of voice, body language, and what they said and did? Perhaps you “saw” them on Zoom.  What was hidden from view?

If you aren’t good a noticing what is in front of you, you’re going to miss the next, best opportunity that comes your way. It probably will not appear like an opportunity at first glance. It may seem like too much effort, not right for you, or not interesting. If you want to notice more, you’ll need to change your habits and learn new behaviors.  Changing old habits and forming new ones is never easy. Put these 5 tips on a Post-It or Smartphone Note, in your calendar, or do this with a buddy for mutual accountability “check ins” until they become new habits.

1. Stop and Notice.

Notice, using every sense available. See, hear, feel, smell, taste, and the others.  What others? We have a sense of space and time, movement and position. How about noticing how awake and alert you feel or how tense or relaxed your muscles are? Add in expanding your awareness of emotions in yourself and others. There’s a lot to notice and most of us notice little.

Practice expanding your perception of what “is.” Maybe start with the room you are in. List what you notice and what you remember noticing with your eyes closed.  Practice regularly, until you notice more.

One of my trainings is problem-solving for leaders. It starts with noticing one’s internal context.  I ask people to notice feelings in their body and expand awareness of emotions. It takes practice and an expanding vocabulary for your emotions.  If the only words for emotions you know are anger, happiness, joy, love, and sadness, you may not feel contentment, pride, excitement, peace, satisfaction, or compassion.  If you don’t know what compassion feels like, you may miss out on a business opportunity to empathize with a prospective client. Also, it’s easy to have your cognitive, analytical thinking skills hijacked if you aren’t noticing when you’re feeling anxious.

2. Notice the “big picture” in addition to the details.

The patterns, relationships, concepts, and connections that we call the “big picture” in contrast the details are less noticeable to some people than to others. Perception tendencies or preferences, like communication defaults and preferences are part of being human. Maybe you pay attention to the strength and style of a handshake, the tenor of a voice, the scent of a person and a room. But, do you also look for patterns and relationships? The connections between people, people and resources, or people and power? Culture and power dynamics show up in patterns of behavior, not in the employee handbook. Do you notice who gets attention and who seems invisible in a group? Maybe there’s a business opportunity hidden there.

3. Be curious.

Think like a journalist, psychologist, anthropologist, artist and so on. Our ability to be curious, depends on our history of experiences and what we know. Everyone has binoculars and microscopes in addition to blindspots. Leadership of oneself and others requires a big dose of curiosity – the desire to be open and keep learning. Experts in innovation point to the combination of curiosity and hard work as the catalyst for experimentation, innovation, and intentional change. Changing up routines, acting spontaneously, shaking up your thinking is how to find new connections and opportunities. It’s how to notice gaps to fill with your expertise and effort. It’s how to notice the human side of problems. These are the ingredients for finding new business opportunities.

4. Avoid assumptions.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking you know the answer or have collected all the data that matter. Innovation intelligence and noticing more means testing your assumptions and reaching conclusions much more slowly. It doesn’t mean hesitating to reach a decision when the data is incomplete or ambiguous. The nature of complexity is that systems often have incomplete and ambiguous information. Living with a lot of complexity should not stop us from making decisions and experimenting to find solutions to problems. It does mean developing a heightened awareness of your unconscious assumptions. Everyone has them. It does mean knowing the difference between perception and data on the one hand and judgments, assumptions, and conclusions on the other. Suspend your judgment until the time is right to make a decision.

5. Change intentionally.

If you are stuck and not finding more business opportunities, it’s time to change what you are doing, how you are doing it, and when you are doing whatever you are doing. Let’s say you are right-hand dominant. In that case, you prefer to write with your right hand. With practice, you could learn to use your left hand, but it would take time, more concentration, and the early results wouldn’t be as good as with your right hand. It’s the same situation with intentional change. Do you prefer to notice and collect data or reach conclusions? Do you prefer to notice the details or the big picture? Do you prefer curiosity or making decisions?  If you have ever explored your personality using the MBTI, then you know that expanding what you notice, how you make sense of what you notice, and the way you decide and act are preferences that have become habits.  We can change our habits, expand into new habits, or replace old ones with new and better habits. If you are not getting the business opportunities you want, it’s time to change.

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