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STRATEGIC COMMUNICATION 201: GIVING EFFECTIVE FEEDBACK

       As lawyers, we are often asked for feedback in the nature of deconstructing our own and others’ arguments. The goal is to test the logical and emotional strength of a position. In fact, we’ve had so much practice doing this, that it tends to be the only type of feedback we know how to give or receive.  When the goal of feedback is to help a person to change his or her behavior, we need to use a different type of feedback, behavioral feedback, which builds upon the foundational skills of effective listening and strategic communication. The goal is to change behavior, not to test the strength of someone’s position. 

Since the need for this kind of feedback arises when someone says or does something that the feedback-giver thinks should change, the need is a consequence of the feedback-giver’s perceptions.  As such, feedback is as much, of not more, about the giver as it is about the receiver.

There are three parts to giving effective behavioral feedback: (1) stating your observation; (2) explaining the affect it has on you; and (3) identifying and asking for different behavior in the future. Each part requires clarity and specificity in communication. The purpose of the remainder of this article is to explain each part, including an example.

State Your Observation

Stick to the facts. State your observation of the other person’s current behavior with clarity and specificity.  Describe the behavior with an example and without sharing your conclusions or judgments about the behavior.  Use “I” statements.  Share only one observation at a time.  Do not provide too much data and overwhelm the listener with, what will likely be perceived as, unfair criticism. For example, you might say, “I noticed that when Carol told us that her cat died, you didn’t tell her that you were sorry to hear that.”

Explain Affect on You

Explain the affect, the other person’s behavior has on you. Doing this means that you acknowledge your part in the perception rather than laying blame on the other person.  It also means avoiding judgment and finding fault.  When you offer feedback that openly acknowledges that the observation and reaction it really is about the you, you are implicitly acknowledging the fact that others may perceive and respond differently than you did. Explain your beliefs, biases, lenses, and hidden assumptions without assuming that your beliefs are right and the other person’s are wrong. This allows the receiver to draw his or her own conclusions and decide whether or not he or she is motivated to change behavior. To continue with the prior example, you might say, “I noticed that when Carol told us that her cat died, you didn’t tell her that you were sorry to hear that. I recall your telling me that you wanted to fit in here.  I believe that part of our culture here is to express sympathy when someone’s beloved pet dies. It seemed to me that your silence stood out today.”

Ask for Different Behavior

The goal of feedback is to get the other person to behave differently in the future.The goal may be motivated by a mutually-agreed upon goal to help that person improve performance or by your own motive to be impacted by this person differently in the future. Regardless, choose behavior that the person has the power to change, rather than raising issues outside of the person’s control.  Be clear and specific about the behavior you would like to see in the future and how it will be helpful to you and/or the other person. What exactly would you like the person to do differently in the future? To finish the example, you might say, “I noticed that when Carol told us that her cat died, you didn’t tell her that you were sorry to hear that. I recall your telling me that you wanted to fit in here.  I believe that part of our culture here is to express sympathy when someone’s beloved pet dies. It seemed to me that your silence stood out today. Next time you could tell someone in Carol’s position that you are sorry to hear about her loss.”